Love, Actually

Love, love, love. There are so many people falling in love
these days – and then falling right back out! Why? Why the heartache? Why the
pain? Why bother to fall in love at all, if it never lasts?




It turns out that we have this whole “love” thing backwards;
you meet someone, fall in love, and then have to learn how to love them through
their faults – how to love them during the hum-drum, everyday – how to love
them when they disappoint you. THAT is where most couples seem to flounder and
fail – when they have to learn to love beyond the passionate moments. What
makes that so wrong? After all, everyone has to learn in a marriage – you don’t
know it all when you say “I do.”




The problem with what the world calls “falling in love” is
selfishness. It’s all about how I can make someone fall in love with ME; how I
can attract someone to MYSELF; how I can act so he will want ME; what I can do
to get the most out of him, WITHOUT giving anymore of myself than possible. DO
you recognize any of this? Watch a few commercials, read the back of a
self-help book, or even just look at your internet homepage! I guarantee you
will find the subtle (if not down-right blatant) message that falling in love –
that romance – is all about YOU.




Obviously, the world has got this whole “falling in love”
thing all messed up. So, how do we get it right? How can you “have and hold, ‘til
death do you part?” How can we do love God’s way? We should view the whole love
process exactly opposite from what the world has been feeding us. We need to
love, BEFORE we “fall in love.” As Christians, we are supposed to love each
other as Christ loves us. Jesus didn’t take on the sins of the world because WE
loved him –No! He died so we can have a better eternity for having known Him;
so we can grow closer to Him, through His unconditional love for us. Yes, it
will all turn out for God’s glory, BECAUSE He loved us first (John 3:16). No, it’s not Christ’s actions that we are to
mimic toward our brothers and sisters in Christ, but rather the reason (or
cause) behind it all.




Could you imagine people loving you so much that they always
what was best for YOU, they always pointed you toward the Lord, they prayed for
you, and they would do anything they felt the Lord was leading, to make you a
better person? THAT would be loving like Christ! Have you ever had someone just
drop everything and come be with you during a tough time? Did you feel loved?
Have you ever had someone give up something (sleep, food, a favourite TV show,
etc.) so they could pray for you, uninterrupted? Did you feel loved? THAT is the
type of Christ-like love the Bible talks about – Giving of yourself for the
betterment of someone else.




Now imagine a marriage built on that sort of love! Do you
think it would ever die? [I’m NOT saying you should marry every/any person you
love! I am saying that we should always be looking for ways to love/love on our
brother and sisters in Christ.] Okay, so Christ-like love is the perfect
foundation for a marriage, but how do we build from the foundation to romance?
I’ll be honest – I don’t know HOW it happens. What I do know is that “falling
in love” with a person you already love is a much simpler learning process then
doing it the other way around! As the bride in Song of Solomon says – “do not
stir up or awaken love until IT so pleases.” [emphasis mine] Let your
relationship grow naturally from your Christ-love foundation! :)




Does this “love before you fall in love” approach actually
work? Yes, it does. In the past few years I have seen relationships that
started out based on Christ-like love, blossom and grow into beautiful
romances! Unfortunately, I have also witnessed relationships that were based on
the people falling in love (a crush), shrivel into pain when the every-day hit
them and their foundation didn’t hold up. Will you try to get what YOU can, for
yourself, out of the relationship? Or, will you be able to call your spouse “my
beloved, my friend?” Romance based on love for the other person – what a
revolutionary idea! :)